Sad, Confused, Wheezy, and Soon to Be Hungry

So depressing to see the sale go up again, but what did I expect after a week-long binge.

And why did I binge? Because it was vacation and the foods I ate were "forbidden" ones - mostly bakery donuts. I ate my regular breakfast and lunch most days and enjoyed a few days of burgers with the boys, and most of those I ate low-fat veggie burgers. We ate take-out just once — Chinese food, and I chose one of the all-vegetable dishes from the "healthy" menu — and because we didn't hit any mall or movie theater during the week there were no extra snacks. We didn't even do a big traditional meal for Thanksgiving but had burgers with the holiday side dishes (stuffing & cranberries, and my snack later that night was a bowl of Brussel sprouts).

My official gain for the vacation is only 3 1/2 pounds. I used to gain or lose that in one night, depending on how salty the food was that I ate the night before, so why am I so obsessed over it this time? Is it because I really enjoyed eating the same foods as my family for a change? That I ate those treats without any thought of guilt and now it's all come crashing down on me?

Maybe I really should make an effort to re-read the Overcoming Overeating book as the group is doing on Friends of Overcoming Overeating. I really need to absorb the message again.

And I really should toss out that scale!

I think part of my problem is the fact that I've been a bit short of breath and phlegmy from my asthma the past few days. I stopped taking my Singulair at the start of vacation in an effort to see if that medication was the cause of my fatigue, since my doctor says it can't be from my thyroid and fatigue is one of the side effects. I also really didn't get much exercise in this vacation. Usually we're roaming miles through malls or the streets of Manhattan, but this time we had a lot of little pissy things to do closer to home and no money to spend in malls. I really can't do one of my exercise videos while my husband is asleep just a few feet away on the other side of the wall, so that could be a reason for the breathing problem, too. And the weather. We had some rain outside, dry heat inside, and both bother my asthma. So why am I blaming this on my weight?

So this morning I took my Singulair first thing in the morning and already did my Mindful Movements video. I'll be grabbing my oatmeal breakfast as soon as I finish this post, will have my usual salad, rice & veggies for lunch, and dinner is Greeny Beany Soup with a loaf of some sort of whole-grain bread. Even last night I had my traditional banana as an after-dinner snack, but if I feel like some banana bread, I have some slices in the freezer, and I'll eat one without guilt.There's really no way that I want to throw myself back on the dieting merry-go-round. I might not lose much weight, but I'll have my sanity. Well, at least getting a little closer to finding it, that is.

Then again, I do have a doctor's appointment soon, and if I weigh more than the last visit I'll never hear the end of it. Maybe that banana bread better stay in the freezer.

Damn Donuts! And Day 30 of 30

I stepped on the sale yesterday. I didn't want to do it, especially not when fully dressed and after a 24 ounce glass of water, 12 ounce mug of coffee and cup of oatmeal plus fruit breakfast, but it was calling me. When my husband went into the bathroom I gently removed the item of torture and placed in on the flat kitchen floor, took in a deep breath, and stepped on.

It reads 5 pounds heavier than it did at 5 in the morning on November 21st.

I'll get an official reading tomorrow morning at 5am, after my husband goes back to work. I'm certain of a gain - one doesn't share in a few dozen donuts and fudge brownies over a ten day period, plus a few very salty meals (like Chinese food, even though it was low fat and vegan) and not suffer the consequences - but I'm sure it won't be a five pound gain.

I put the sale back into its lair under the bed and promised myself to stick to strict McDougall MWLP until I lose not just those 5 but an additional 130 pounds. We were on our own for dinner again so I made a pot of Broccoli Cheese soup from a post on the McDougall forums earlier this year, and Rainbow Skillet Medley, a MWLP recipe.

Three hours later my husband comes into the room with the dregs of the donuts and insists we finish them off. Like a good little wife I did as he requested. At least those things are now GONE and even he realizes we really can't handle them any more at our age. If either of us feels like something sweet, more than just a piece of fruit, it's going to be made from a McDougall-legal recipe.

Here's to a healthier December!